My kiddo is not a big reader, but today he chose to read a book to "goof off" during class rather than watch YouTube videos!!!

This is kind of a big win for me. I am constantly trying to find books he might like, and I constantly fail.

What makes a good book is personal. People like different things for different reasons. There isn’t really a “common ground” when it comes to reading for pleasure.

I have been thinking about seeking "common ground" as a way of bridging communication gaps... I think seeking common ground is belittling and ultimately damaging to creating long term change.

Common ground, especially when we are talking about conflict resolution, essentially confirms that it is because we are "alike" that we can love one another.

It preferences commonalities as a barometer for lovability. It preferences "sameness."

But we are not the same.

And I do not have to be like you to be loved.

This is not to say we need to accept people's cruelty or rudeness, we do not. But we need to accept that the conflict is not rooted in our differences. It is rooted in our desire for sameness.

Difference, even if it makes us uncomfortable, is not a sufficient to discount someone's humanity. And seeking sameness, while it may immediately make me feel better, is not the same thing as conflict resolution

True conflict resolution is relationship building. It is a compromise. Compromise means we find a balance between my wants and yours; each party accepts loss and gain.

Finding a book that fits my kiddo's personality isn't the whole story. It's not just a mom doing a "good job” at mommying. My kid has a role to play too. He has to be willing to try the books. I have to compromise on what I think he "should" read, and he has to be willing to try the books I suggest.

Compromise.

Every year I write about how much I love Thanksgiving, about the "attitude of gratitude" inherent in the holiday. But this year it feels more appropriate to address the need for grace through compromise. Because to be honest, this holiday season is kind of gutting me. It is not what I was hoping it would be. I am disappointed. If I do not seek a compromise, I will just remain miserable with the "not sameness" of this very unusual holiday season.

Adjusting expectations, being mature enough to acknowledge that change is constant, is a way of culling grace. This holiday season is different whether I like it or not. The only way to find out if something wonderful might come of it is to show up, accept that it is different, and compromise.

Who knows, maybe it will surprise me.

I hope the same for you.

Good luck out there friends!